just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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