You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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