Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize