Everything about him screamed your future.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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