Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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