don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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