i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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