Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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