remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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