Whod you bang
i think my mom watched the whole time
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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