i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize