What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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