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Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
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