i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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