I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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