Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize