I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize