I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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