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hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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