Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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