I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize