You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize