Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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