So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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