I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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