another moral hangover. fuck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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