last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize