wakey wakey hands off snakey
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize