I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
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Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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