Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize