I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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