I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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