My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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