my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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