I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize