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this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We left the knife in your bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
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