you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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