just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize