we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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