god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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