I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize