It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize