Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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