Your dad touched me again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize