I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize