You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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