This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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