A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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