I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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