Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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